i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
