I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
