i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
