using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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