I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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