all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
