I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
