I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
