And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
