I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
