How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
