Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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