this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
