i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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