were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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