I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
