dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
