the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
