anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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