I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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