just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
