Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
ok first of all what the fuck
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
