I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
