We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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