I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
