Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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