just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
