we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
