Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.