If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"