May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.