Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You can't just leave with hair like that
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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