I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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