my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
