I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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