just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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