Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
