Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
