we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
