Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
