My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
