I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
