dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
