So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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