so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
