so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
