My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
