When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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