Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
