Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
