Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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