Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
