having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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