i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
