Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
