First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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