Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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