How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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