omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
