started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
