I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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