How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
