no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize