quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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