Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
