....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
