I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
