i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
