I hope mine doesn't look like that
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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