It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
