Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
