she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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